We are told that
global warming is a problem.I've got an
idea how to make it work to my benefit!
I love global warming
and so should you!
We are assured by
such experts as Algore that global warming is caused by carbon dioxide produced
by the internal combustion engine.
There are 500 million
fossil fuel engines in the world.This
includes everything from model airplane motors to large turbine engines.There are 6,500 million Homo sapiens in the
world.The average fossil fuel engine
produces one and a half pounds of carbon dioxide per day.The average Homo sap produces two and a half
pounds of carbon dioxide per day.Don't
blame my Hummer for global warming!Stop
breathing.The problem is too many
This is a problem
that is its own solution.About four
billion of these people live in the tropics.About four billion live on the coast -- New York,
Boston, New Orleans,
L.A., San Francisco,
Portland and Seattle among others.In America we have taken to calling
these coastal lowlands "blue areas" -- they are populated by left-wing
whackos.Obviously, billions live on
the coast in tropical areas.If global
warming continues, the tropics will become deserts and the coastal areas will
flood.About 6 billion people will
starve or drown.This is natural
selection for intelligence.The left
wing whackos will wait on their roofs, in their cities for the government to
rescue them.They will drown.People in the tropics will starve waiting for
American aid.Most intelligent people
live in the "red" areas.This is the
area that will sustain human life the longest.Global warming will reduce the human population to about 500 million and
the number of fossil fuel engines to about 500 million -- most of us will want a
Here is my plan.
I will go up to Alaska, Canada
and Siberia and buy a lot of tundra -- nobody
wants it so it is cheap.When it warms
up, I will start the Givens Tropical Fruit and Nut Farms.
No! I won't raise
leftist whackos.I will raise coconuts,
macadamia nuts, pineapples, and bananas in the tropical areas that were once
frozen tundra.I will sell bananas to
the starving for $100 and coconuts for $1,000.Beautiful women will be allowed to live with me and eat in return for
working on the farms and bearing my children -- thus improving the species.
Of course, global
warming will, sooner or later, reverse.
Much of the water
will evaporate off the warm globe and form clouds.The clouds will reduce the amount of heat
from the sun that reaches the earth instituting global cooling.The tropics will become temperate and the
rest will be covered with ice.This will
reduce the population to about 1 million.The 1 million left will be those who had the good sense to get out of
the way of disaster.According to Darwin, this will be good
for the species!
When global cooling
begins, I will lead the million or so strong human population back to the
tropics where the climate will be temperate.There will be half a world of well-fertilized (remember over six billion
corpses rotted down there) land on which to grow whatever crops we want.
Because of all the
babies I fathered, the human population will be much more intelligent than it
is now.Darwin called this "evolution."We can reinvent capitalism,
overpopulate the earth again, build more Hummers and cause more global warming
to start the process again.